Setbacks in 1999
|I try to be very positive in my blog and offer fun/motivational thoughts. To contrast these, on occasion, I want to share of some of the more difficult events in my life and share what I've learned.
One of the reasons why I was so hesitant to come out was because I had been “burnt” twice in the same year, in 1999…
Barry and I were real good friends in college, especially in the later years. I actually knew his wife even longer than him. Barry was one of the few people I kept close contact with after college. He even met my ex, on one occasion.
I was close to Barry, so, in 1999, I decided that I wanted to tell both Brenda and him. I thought it was really low risk, as he had casually prodded me on the subject in college. (We were walking to class and he made some comment, such as: “There are some really amazing people in our classes. Our mate might be sitting right beside us, be it a female or male.”) I thought of Barry to be a caring, progressive, open minded person. He has a certain commonsensical intelligence.
I was in a chat session with both Brenda and Barry. I don’t remember the exact words for the discussion. Basically, they told me that they were followers of Christ and that they could not and would not accept me because of the “decision I made.” They told me that what I was “doing was wrong.” Barry came back in a later conversation and told me that “my lifestyle choice” was in direct conflict with their beliefs.
They apparently had gained a deep sense of religion since college, having lived in Oklahoma. I didn’t appreciate their “holier than thou” attitude. So, I decided to discontinue my friendship with them. (By the way, “my” God is a loving, inclusive God.)
It really, really bothered me. At the time, I had only been “out” to myself for a couple of years and I guess I was looking for validation, some support.
The other annoying event happened same year. It set me back to a lesser extent.
I was watching TV after work and the doorbell rang. Mark stayed seated and I got up. I went to the door and opened it and it was the 5 foot squatty redneck woman with bad complexion and ratty long hair. Who lived next door.
With the door open, she yelled "YOU F*CKING F*DGEPACKER, F*CKING BUTT PIRATE.." My jaw dropped and I clenched my fist.
Luckily, and as if on cue, Mark approached from behind and yelled back at the red neck loserette. Apparently, she was upset because Mark had parked his vehicle in the street in front of their house. I stepped away from the door. I hadn't been insulted like that since I was a kid! I was just stunned!
WHAT I LEARNED
Since 1999, I’ve grown much more confident; I no longer require validation from people. If these events happened today, they would not affect me.
It’s not my fault that some people have narrow minds! It’s not my job to change their opinions. In this point of my lide, I've learned not to care!