Weekly Roundup

DEMOCRACY LUNACY – With the elections in just two days, we are getting bombarded in Ohio with several mud-slinging commercials on TV. The rhetoric is just amazing. I love the commercials (such as the slightly-anti gay No on 3 commercials where they have seemingly normal people in a thoughtful, pensive tone, saying things that are inaccurate or lack real tangible logic. Said differently, when you don’t have a real argument, look good and spark emotion. Crazy thing is some Americans like to have TV tell them what to think. OHIO, THIS YEAR’S FLORIDA – No. We don’t have so many sandy beaches here in Ohio. The similarity will be because of the elections. A couple independent sources have stated that the conditions are right for another state recounts for Ohio (close race, poor technology, a large number of new voters, issues with “provisional ballots. Cincinnati Enquirer Article. Heck ya, I’m gonna vote! My vote counts more than ever this year! SOCIAL Ob-BLOG-gations – I have been a bit skimpy on my blogging in the last week because I have been so busy, socially. With my TV room complete, several nights, I’ve had friends over to hang out and enjoy the new space. To be specific, I’ll have 8 social events in 8 nights. Could be worse. I could be bored! HALLOWEEN – Costume parties. Candy! Tricks and Treats! A blast. I will share some of the crazy pictures and (edited) stories soon! NOVEMBER – Tomorrow is the first day of November. Where has this year gone?

Glutton 4 Punishment

Ya know? I was thinking today, what can I do to myself that would cause myself some more pain? I’m sick of food. What can I do to so that I can avoid the burden of chewing? I still have a bit of weight to lose. What can I do? So I decided to go to an oral surgeon and asked him. Begged him… To remove my two lower wisdom teeth. Reluctantly, he allowed me to set an appointment for 2:45 pm on Friday, November 12. I just wish he could have scheduled something closer to Thanksgiving, preferably the day before Thanksgiving.

Job

Being that I have a couple of important meetings tomorrow, I thought I’d write briefly about what I do that pays my bills. I’m a systems developer and I over see a couple of global Information Technology projects. What’s kind of fun about my job is that none of my work is directly related to North America, although I live here. My first project is developing an application that tracks purchases of market data in Europe. I work daily with Jaime, a Mexican-Canadian, based in Toronto and a Adrian, Brit-Pollack, based in Warsaw. OK. Adrian is not Polish, but it’s just fun for me to use the word “Pollack,” which is the correct word, but sounds like some type of slur. My second major set of projects involved reporting in Latin America. I’m helping to bring in data vendor data and have it available on my company's standard Oracle Sales Analyzer structure. These two big projects take up a lot of my time. Even so, after the new year, they will take less time and I’ll move on to a slightly different work, regarding consumer studies. We'll see. All in all, I work with some really good people and I like my management. I use my language/cultural skills and am challenged. I like the fact that I’m close to the business and I know my job helps people in the business make better decisions.

Weekly Roundup

FUN, FUN, FUN – I have had such an amazing week! Between my volunteering adventures, remodeling my TV room and other things, I have had a lot of excitement! I’ve had the opportunity to spend time with old friends and make some new ones. Life is good! FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES – I met up with Chris, Scot, Brad, Dennis, Dennis and another friend for brunch at First Watch this morning. It was really great to hang out, although my stomach is upset this evening from the food. HOME IMPROVEMENT – My TV room is almost done! The painting is complete (besides some touch up) and I’ve moved most everything into the room. Kevin has helped inspire me with the design in the room. I’ll have some pictures soon! A preview of the style, at right. LOVE BIRDS – Scot and Brad have been together for over two years, and have managed this while living in different states. (Brad lives in St. Louis.) Brad is a super guy. They are lucky to have each other. FAREWELL TO WARMTH? – Today, the weather hit about 65 degrees. The skies were clear and the air was fresh. So,

Bar Raid!!!

Last night, was my first “outreach” program as an AIDS Volunteer of Cincinnati (AVOC) volunteer! I had a blast. The target for the night was gay males. So what better place to find gay males then gay bars on Friday nights! The 25 or so volunteers split into two groups and hit all of the gay establishments in the Cincinnati metro area. We stormed into the bar and passed out small “safer sex” packets, which included information about testing and getting more info. My team did the Northern bars, then we met the other team at the larger bars downtown. It was a blast! A lot of people were surprised and many made jokes with us. We had a drink or two and talked! Many bar patrons were very receptive and many cracked up (with the exception of a lesbian couple in leather who was completely unimpressed by condoms. The woman in leather yelled in my general direction: “We’re lesbians, why the hell would we need condoms?” Note to self: stay out of that bar.) Why I enjoyed myself: 1. I know what I did made a difference! I went out of my way to not only give out contraceptive devices, but also talk briefly with people about the AVOC organization and talk about free testing. 2. Getting involved makes me feel good! I’m a bit crazy and I don’t mind getting out there and talking with complete strangers. I had some really great conversations with gay people, straight people, black, white, young, old, you name it! In a few cases, I has some nice chats with a HIV positive people who wanted to talk about testing, the rise of the disease, AVOC, etc. 3. I met some really cool people! The AVOC staff and volunteers are really nice, interesting people. Period. 4. I learned some things, such ways for lesbian woman to practice safer sex. 5. There were a couple of people in the group who had never been to a gay bar before. I acted as kind of an ambassador. For example, I answered some questions about such things as lubrication and drag shows. OK. Not my area of expertise, but I was able to at least say a bit about both. 6. OK. Kevin predicted it. I did get a phone number as well. (Right as I was leaving a bar.. It was embarrassing because the group of 13 people had to wait for me.) Our last bar was the Dock, which I’ve decided is my least favorite. I arrived home around 3:30am. With all my fun in the day, I just couldn’t sleep as my adrenaline level was so high!

170

Weighed myself at the gym today and I was 170lbs, which is pretty dang low, considering I was about 200 lbs about 14 months ago. Excited, I did some research... According to the 2003 World Almanac, I’m “OVERWEIGHT” (in all caps) at 5’10” and 170 lbs. You can rot in hell, National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute in cooperation with the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases! Seriously, sod off...

9:30 and I’m Hitting the Sack

I’m going to bed early tonight as I’m exhausted. I’ve not gone to bed when I should this last week and work has been busy. Also, I’ve been painting my TV room and that takes a lot of energy. Three of the four walls are painted in a rich chocolate color. All that remains for painting is the “accent wall” that is slightly greyer than the other walls. I've a new straw rug and textured window treatments. Kevin has had a big influence in designing it so it should look nice. Hopefully, I’ll have it done and have pictures by the weekend! I’m now a Volunteer for the AIDS Volunteers of Cincinnati (AVOC) and I’ve got a training on Thursday, followed by a late night “bar raid” on Friday night. A couple of groups of volunteers will “raid” the bar giving away safer sex kits, encouraging testing, answer questions, etc. Should be a lot of fun and a good way to get the word out! Oh, and tomorrow, I'm back to the gym after like 4 weeks of not attending. Nite nite.

"Reborn" at the "Renaissance" Festival

On a lighter note (as I have been so serious lately!) Kevin, Chris, Chase, Andrew and I went to the Ohio Renaissance Festival yesterday. It’s a supposed medieval village with people dressed in supposed clothing from the period. There are food and vendors, arts and crafts and games. The traveling group also performs small theme shows, such as a mud show, “washing wenches” and jousting. It was very cold at 50 F. The wind seemed to go right through my jacket. I felt a little bad for the performers who had to perform in not too many clothing. All in all, it was kind of mediocre. There was nothing that stood out has being amazingly fun or interesting. We walked around shivering, ate and watched a couple of shows then ate. (I had a pork leg.) I think it was the company made it a lot more fun! I hadn’t met Chase and Andrew, (who, strangely enough, allow themselves to be called “his friends.”) We were constantly joking and cracking up. In any case, it was nice to be not so serious for a while and to get out of the city. Chris has a new toy camera and documented the entire event. The link.

My Feelings: Breakups, Friends, Family, Family Politics

The last couple of days have been really hell. I’ve lost a lot of sleep. Thankfully, I’ve realized that my family isn’t limited to just my blood relatives but those caring friends around me who care for me. In times of need, I know I can rely on my friends and I know they will be there for me. I’ve had a chance to internalize the situation and calm down. I’ve taken the emails, postings, phone calls to heart and I’ve sorted out my feelings: WHAT I’M NOTUPSET ABOUT - Mark taking a job with John’s company. This has probably been in the planning stages for some months. It’s not a bad deal for any of the parties involved and I’m willing to put my feelings aside to accept this. In fact, when I heard the news, I called Mark on his cell phone and honestly, congratulated him. - The situation that I’ve encountered in the last couple of weeks has made me realize that there have been a lot of discussions about me behind closed doors. Feelings have made their way to the surface. And I’m glad I know where I stand. I know what’s in my power to change and I know what I cannot change and what I have to live with. - Everyone has trash, including myself! I’m not too proud to say that I have made mistakes and when I’m honest to people about mistakes I’ve made it helps me move on and dispels rumors. - I’ve realized that I need to reconnect with the family members that care about me and I will be taking steps to do so soon. To be clear, the whole family is not upset with me. While some are mildly perturbed (due to something unrelated to the Mark Situation,) I believe that a little effort on my part will remedy the situation. WHAT I AM UPSET ABOUT - My mom and uncle, specifically, have a lack of empathy for my situation. They do not appreciate that leaving Mark was one of the hardest things in my adult life. They hear Mark’s frustrations but do not care about mine. By talking, they alienate me. Instead of pushing me to the door, as adults, they should pull me in and encourage me to be a part of the family. - Mark also takes a role in my separation from my family. He has said certain things and has made certain decisions. Mark should step up to the plate and do his part to remedy the situation (contact my uncle to ask to be removed from the mailing list, set boundaries for dealings with my mom, step dad, etc.)

Past Relationships & Family: Part II!

I called my Uncle Walter this afternoon. He is the person in charge of collecting and distributing the most recent "Family Address List" each year. We talked a little about is company as I work with people from his company each day. I explained to him that I had been upset this week due to several incidents having to do with Mark being included or excluded in my life (including benefits enrollment, at work and Mark taking a job in Florida, with my step dad's company.) I transitioned gradually into the issue with Mark's name and address being on the most recent list. (Mark's name was separated from mine; his new address was listed with a note of the date, presumably meaning that a change of address was anticipated. My uncle did, after all, know that there were discussions of Mark being employed by John.) He contends that several people including my cousin Jen, Aunt Cathie, grandfather and my mother have specifically asked to have him on the mailing list because they "still do talk with him." (This is truly a surprise to me!) The only person who will really remain in contact with Mark will be my mom and John, and Mark will be living with them! I told explained to him that I felt strongly to delete him from the list because seeing his name brings up unpleasant memories and is a barrier from me "moving on." Secondly, Mark is not a member of the family. Thirdly, no other ex's, including my cousin Jen's ex-husband has been printed on the list after a breakup. I could feel that he was a bit on the defensive and stated "You have two Choices. 1. You can delete him manually from your list [that I sent] or 2. I will not send out a list out to anyone at all. It's your choice." There was more pleading on my part then, in a condescending tone, he said: "Do you want me to take you off the list?" I knew I wasn't getting through, so I didn't even try. We said goodbye to one another. I left the conversation literally shaking. I told him that I could not believe that he would not respect my request for closure! Am I asking too much??? Does my family really love Mark so much that they are willing to risk losing contact with me?

Past Relationship: Moving on? Or Not?

My mom called me this afternoon to confirm that she was not able to meet with me tonight for supper. While she lives in Florida and is in Louisville for the week, for work. She has a work meeting, so needed to cancel at the last minute. Reluctantly, she told me some news that was a bit shocking. She told me that John, my step dad has offered Mark, my ex, a job in his home restoration company. Mark will apparently move to Florida in the upcoming weeks and will be living with my mom and step dad for some time before he finds a permanent place to live. Now, to be fair, the discussion for Mark to work for John is not new one. A year ago, when Mark and I had considered moving to Florida, John had mentioned that Mark would be a good fit for his company and had planted this in Mark's head. Last I knew, Mark's current employer was having financial problems, and so Mark has been seeking a new job. John needs a new person to help with his business. My mom explained that is was "solely a business transaction." I do believe that to be true, for the most part. ADVANTAGES - Mark is leaving Cincinnati! I can go out in public without fear of him talking about me to people in Cincinnati or having him embarrassing me in front of my friends (like at the "hurricane party.") - There is a certain amount of finality! He's leaving Cincinnati! - Mark has a strong work ethic and it is a good fit and a great opportunity for him. He'll gain some new skills and will grow career-wise. His goal was to live and work in Florida and he will get what he wants! (He's gotten a lot of things that he wants after the breakup!) DISADVANTAGES - At a time that I am trying to distance myself from my ex, my family has pulled him back into my consciousness. - His presence will be felt in Florida, at my mom's house, which is painful and discourages me from visiting my mom and John. - While Mark has told me that he is "moving on," he is a talker and a bitter complainer. He has effectively caused me to lose friend here in Cincinnati and I worry about what he will do with my family. - Mark will continue to talk trash of me. (He called my mother SEVERAL times the week after the breakup and has spread false information to her. He has already, to a certain extent, distanced me from my family as my mom has chosen "his side.") My mom denied that Mark had spoken badly of me, but I distinctly remember one particular situation with Mark crying to my mom on the phone. It is inevitable and will continue to happen. My mom and John have had a recent history of not sticking up for me. One incident, in particular really bothered me and ruined my Christmas one year. Additionally, it is seldom that my family makes an attempt to visit me, despite the fact that my sister, for example, gets regular visits. It's painfully obvious to me that I am a low priority to my family. Maybe I'm also a little hurt that my mom and step dad choose to believe the "side" of other people over that of a member of their own family. But this is not the first time and won't be the last!

On "The Gay Agenda"

Oh, Gash. Chris mentioned our the upcoming meeting. Details as follows. TIME Monday, October 25, 2004. 10:00 pm EST. PURPOSE Disrupt all that is good. HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA Normalize homosexual activity and make it part of the mainstream as 'just another lifestyle.' Make it such that homosexual values are imposed upon our children. And that all children decorate their homes wisely and love Cher and Bette Midler with all of their heart. LENGTH 1 Hour.

On Politics

Nuff said with politics.. OK. I love the democratic process. Having said that... Well, YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION--I will not preach to you.

On Cincinnati's Article 12. Supporting "Yes on 3!"

Consider the following statements: “This company has no place for queer people. Sorry, we’re going to need to let you go.” “It’s ok for you to rent this apartment from me… so long as your ‘girlfriend’ stays overnight. It’s a problem with you have a male ‘friend’ sleep over. I'm sorry, but I have a problem renting to people ‘like that.’” “Ah… Hi. Yeah… We’re going to have to ask you to leave this restaurant” Walking away shaking head, “Homos…” For those of you who do not live in Cincinnati: Although tacky, the comments above are legal within the Cincinnati city limits! In 1993, Cincinnati, with its history of intolerance for people that are not “in the majority,” passed a law that “singles out and excludes gays and lesbians from the legal right to petition their government for protection against discrimination.” The exact, confusing verbiage. This issue has been reported on national news, in a similar light as the racial riots that were prompted after the shooting of a black mentally retarded man, in Spring, 2001. THE PRO ARTICLE 12 SIDE The proponents of Article 12 have some strong arguments and offer emotional feelings and a sense of fear for Christians: - One should fear any legislature that promotes the liberal “gay agenda.” - “Equal Rights, Not Special Rights” – The clause gives special rights to gays and lesbians. It puts these people in a protected class. - Unlike African Americans, Latino Americans, Jews, and the French, gays and lesbians have made the choice to be the way they are! Cities should not support or recognize this deviant behavior! - Once the door is open to gay rights, gays and lesbians will demand that they have the right to vote; the bible clearly states that marriage is between a “man and a woman” and gay marriage is in exact conflict with “Christian beliefs and Family Values.” - This issue passed several governmental rulings in the last 11 years, including the US Supreme Court. Who can argue with that? - Christian groups, such as Rev. Donald Wildmon of the American Family Association and the Focus on the Family have shown their support of upholding Article 12, and have called for a boycott on Procter & Gamble, a Cincinnati-based company. THE PRO-GAY, PRO FAIRNESS, PRO-“YES ON 3!” SIDE! Those who seek to repeal of Article 12 also have strong arguments and feelings similar to those during the civil rights discussions of the 1960s, when black students were not “welcome” in Alabama educational institutions. - This clause promotes intolerance and says, “it’s ok to treat these people different.” - Bad for business. Several organizations have passed up Cincinnati for conventions. If choosing between cities with similar facilities and similar costs, the perception of intolerance can be a tie breaker. (Article on the cost of Article 12 to the city.) - The article discourages talented gay and lesbians from seeking employment in a city that discourages “people that are different.” It is proven that organizations perform at their best, more synergistically with people that think different and who are from differing backgrounds. - This article was a factor for Cincinnati’s consideration as a sponsor for the Olympics (See Citybeat article.) - A government should not dictate morality, not even at the local level! - The City Council as well as many prominent business leaders, religious figures and major Cincinnati-based companies support the repeal of the article. - Not even Salt Lake City with its heavy handed, powerful city council, has an ordinance like this! LINKS Citizens to Restore Fairness http://www.citizenstorestorefairness.org/ Citizens for Community Values www.ccv.org Ohioans Protecting the Constitution www.opcpac.com Pastor Fred Phelps, the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) of Topeka, Kansas www.godhatesfags.com P.S. The first and third derogatory statements, above are contrived. The second statement, above was actually said to a fellow blogger, Shane. Discrimination is alive and well in America!

Weekly Roundup

AVOC HAVOC – I had my orientation for AIDS Volunteers Of Cincinnati (AVOC) this morning. I’m looking forward to volunteering with this organization. I’m not sure in which capacity I will help. It will probably be something related to education. I made the decision to join in as I like to help out; I also believe that there is a lot of misinformation out there regarding HIV/AIDS. OLD NAVY DEALS – Early Fall can be a good time for shopping. Old Navy has had some outrageous sales on Summer clothes. (ex. Various T Shirts for $3 and less.) With losing weight, I’ve had to buy a lot of new clothes (virtually replacing my old wardrobe,) so this has been great! PAIN B GONE – Today is the 15th day after my surgery; As of today, I’m off my meds. There is still a little bit of lingering pain, but all in all I’m better. I can eat what I want. I’m still a bit tired. I guess I’m ready for the hectic week at work next week!

Bat Attraction: Congress Street Bridge, Austin, Texas

Niti, a friend in Austin, sent me this picture a while back. Austin has embraced its Mexican free-tailed bat population and encourage people to watch the bats take flight in early evening. “When engineers reconstructed downtown Austin's Congress Avenue Bridge in 1980 they had no idea that new crevices beneath the bridge would make an ideal bat roost. Although bats had lived there for years, it was headline news when they suddenly began moving in by the thousands... the population under the Congress Avenue Bridge grew to be the largest urban bat colony in North America. With up to 1.5 million bats spiraling into the summer skies, Austin now has one of the most unusual and fascinating tourist attractions anywhere.” (excerpt from the website.) For more details, check out the website on the Congress Avenue bridge. Thanks to Niti for the pic and interesting bat info!

Fall Walk in Westwood/Backyard

Today was kind of painful in terms of my throat. I drove downtown to drop of my old work laptop. Upon returning home, I was in a fair amount of pain and took a 4.5 hour nap. WALK IN WESTWOOD Later in the afternoon, I wanted to stretch my legs. I decided to walk to the library to return some books. Below are some photos that show the subtle changes in early Fall that Chris wrote about. Some of you have not seen Westwood, or Cincinnati, for that matter. These pictures give you an idea of the architecture for the area of town where I live. (The brick house at the bottom is a common template for the area used in dozens and dozens of houses.) (Typical Westwood house) BACKYARD Below are some pictures of me and my back yard.

Movie Review: Big Eden

REVIEW: BIG EDEN SYNOPSIS Henry Hart, a gay, freelance New York artist from rural Montana is notified that his grandfather has had a stroke. He returns to his home town, Big Eden, where he tries to find his place in the small community. He meets up with a lot of old friends, including Dean, who was his touchy-feely best friend in high school. To the excitement of the townspeople, a dramatic gay love triangle develops. REVIEW Overall, I thought the movie was entertaining. The photography was stunning. The acting was very convincing. The movie brought up several aspects of sexual identity, gay love and acceptance. This was done in a tasteful way, which would not alienate heterosexual viewers. One of the favorite scenes came when Henry and Dean share a tender moment. Dean is cooking eggs in an effort to console Henry. The two are in front of the stove; they embrace in a very tender way. The characters of the towns people were a bit one dimensional. And while I thought it was fun that so many people in the town were concerned about the love life of the main character, I thought it was overly exaggerated. All characters, many of whom were in their elder years, were unbashfully accepting of homosexuality and encouraging of people who were not, themselves, completely convinced they were gay. OK. OK. I know it’s a movie. If such a town exists, I’d like to see it! Unfortunately, there are a lot of towns like Laramie, Wyoming (hometown of Matthew Sheppard.) Also, we were a bit annoyed by the long kiss at the end of the movie. While long kisses in a private setting are sweet, ones in public are obnoxious be it with straight or with gay couples. RATING All in all, it was a pleasant, thought-provoking film. Thanks to Shane and Chris for suggesting the film! Matt’s Rating: B+

Addiction

If anyone knows a local PA group, please let me know. It’s about time I check myself in.

Weekly Roundup

MATT AND HIS THROAT GO TO WHITE CASTLE – As mentioned above, I got a list of suggested foods for after my surgery. There was one oversight which occurred to me yesterday (as I craved some salty food:) White Castle Hamburgers (a.k.a. “Sliders.”) They are perfect in that, besides the pickle, the steamed burgers are very soft. The bread is seeped with grease which makes them go down even easier. I devoured 5. Delicious and nutritious! THROAT – Enough said! I’m sick of being sick! I am in a risky period right now. Between 7-10 days is the time when hemorrhages are most likely. I have noticed some bleeding… MISC. PROJECT – I am working on a couple of small projects, including origami, rearranging drawers, and planning for an upcoming trip to Germany/Poland/Czech Republic/Lithuania. OK. I’ve mostly been lazy and not done much of this stuff. AUDIBLE.COM – I’m interested Audible.com, an online service that allows you to download audio books. They have a subscription service which allows two complete audiobooks per months. I like to listen to audiobooks on the way to work, on the bus. There are a lot of good titles that I’d like to read/listen to! (I'm about to read "Angels & Demons" and "Digital Fortress" by Dan Brown.)